I would like to say a HUGE HUGE THANKYOU to Frank Jeffers for giving me Penny Bustin's contact details. I sent her an email with all the info about the blog and explained how much i wanted to raise bone marrow awareness and continue Adrian Sudbury's campaign work. I recieved a phone call from Penny at teatime saying that they are interested in my story and would like to film the transplant so they can follow my progress. Penny is now going to speak to Andy at Leeds the media guy to see what they can and cannot film etc etc. I cannot believe that this has happend so thankyou Frank. It is going to be amazing if it is filmed professionaly so thankyou Penny for getting in touch and her kind words on the phone.
I woke up in a frightful mood this morning as Tom is well aware of as he was at the recieving end of it. I don't think it helped when i did some more research on CML and read that if you are in the accelerated phase of the disease then the transplant is less effective than when you are in the chronic stage. I know i said that i was sort of expecting yesterday to be bad news but i had kinda forgot about the BMB result until i got there. I thought that i had recieved all the bad news i could possibly recieve but i was wrong. I am finding it very hard to be positive now as i can't stop thinking about dying and feel that i need to plan my funeral etc. I just don't know how to not think about dying as it is worst when i am trying to go to sleep. I get myself in a panic that i am not going to wake up again. It is really scary and someone my age shouldn't be thinking about stuff like this, it is so unfair! I have made an appointment with my GP tomorrow so i can get soem happy pills as i don't want to be on sleeping tablets anymore as i want to make the most of my last few weeks of freedom and not sleep my way through them lol. I hope the happy pills sort me out and i hope that the eye ache is nothing serious. I am worried that i am having bleeding behind my eyes like i have had in the past so lets hope i wrong for once lol.
I can't think of anything to say. Been looking through my bible to find something comforting, but could not find anything. Then i remembered a thought picture i had once.I hope this will give you the same image.
ReplyDeleteWhen a loving father is crossing the road with his beloved daughter, the father knows there's traffic on the road, will the father ever let go of his daughters hand? The daughter looks when he looks. walks when he walks. and arrive safely on the other side together.
May the God of the ever-holding hand be with you Lauren.
I think of you everyday, and pray for you. God is with you, Jesus is by your side right now. Reach out and hold his hand, trust him, may he give you some comfort and peace in your heart. xxx
ReplyDeleteAnita xxx
Thank you David and Anita for your kind words means a lot during this dark time to know you are thinking of me x Dizzy x
ReplyDeleteHi, I know we haven't met but I know Tom because my husband has ridden some of his horses in the past. I have been reading your blog and I just wanted to say how amazingly strong I think you have been. I can't imagine how scary it must all be for you and I hope and pray that it all turns out well in the end and you are a stronger person because of it. I imagine you must be feeling like it is all so unfair that it is happening to you (and you are right) but I doubt many people in your situation would be as brave as you are. I will carry on reading your blog and keep everything crossed for you, Lots of love Hannah Kelly xx
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