Had news but it isn't good or bad yet...

Just spoke to Leeds and basically it would seem that there is a problem with the donor. They couldn't tell me why what or anything because of confidentially. Something though has come up on the medical which is having to be queried for what ever reason and i will hopefully know in the morning whether the donor is being used or not. I feel devastated to be honest. I feel like someone has ripped all my organs out and stamped on them. The chances of a medical not passing are very small yet for me it has happened 3 times potentially. I just don't think i can be positive anymore. If this donor can't be used how long am i going to have to wait for another one? How long before my leukaemia is terminal? I wouldn't sleep tonight if it wasn't for sleeping tablets lol. Anyway i am still going to go out for a meal and i am still going to drink champagne as life is too short and i think i know that better than anyone. I can't wait for a life that isn't controlled by cancer but i can't help feel that it is never gonna happen now. I will try my best to be positive and laugh things off but it is blooming hard.